I’ve been taking some time over the past six months to reflect and retract and figure some shit out.
And I came to the conclusion that you’ll never get all your shit figured out.
That is totally okay.
But I missed you guys (I missed it all being out on in the world, because even though JW is constantly reminding me that you don’t have to tell everyone, everything, you know, he also was the one who told me this week you know you haven’t written in your blog in months and so I know that a) he’s sending me mixed messages and b) he know perfectly well that I do need to tell everyone everything.
So here’s the short list of what’s changed since I last told you everything (the abridged version):
I got a new job, JW got a new job. Theo’s still not pulling his weight. I became briefly obsessed with Donald Trump in a way that was funny at first, but now it’s not funny, because he’s the worst. My best friend gave birth to a little boy so beautiful that I can’t believe how lucky I am to be his auntie. We finished out 2015 with this huge burst of loss and life in my tribe of most important people, and you guys, there’s nothing out there to make you feel more grounded than equal measures of loss and life happening to people you love. At first I tried to even it all out, you know, take the good and bad and average it into something okay, but I decided that’s kind of bullshit. As my very wise cousin M has said, you have to feel your feelings, and so I am trying harder in 2016 to do that.
Even when it’s terrible.
Because sometimes it’s amazing.
I have been a little overwhelmed as of late with all of the terrible things going on in the world (the big World and my small world) lately, and so in addition to feeling my feelings I am trying to take deep breaths and look around at what’s good, and when that fails, I’m eating french fries and tickling Boo and giving all my money to Syrian refugee babies.
Jen and I went back to yoga after a long absence last weekend, and after struggling through an hour and getting angry about it, she reminded me that we have created life since we last practiced regularly and maybe we should go easy on ourselves.
She’s right, as usual.
So that’s where I am and what I’ve been up to. Right now I can’t promise that I’ll write every day (or that when I do write it will be worth reading), but I think like making it back to the mat, making it back here might be a struggle because I haven’t been practicing but worth it because I love it so much.
I do promise that I still know that so many things are funny and good, and mostly I’ll be talking about that because I think it’s what’s important.
Stick to what’s important, and the rest will shake itself out, I think.
Thanks for having me back, chickadees.